So far 2015 has been a busy old year for team Tortoise, involving no less than twelve weeks of touring so far and that doesn’t even include the time spent in development and rehearsals. The result of these exotic twelve weeks of touring across various countries is we have spent a lot of time in a van, I mean A LOT.

Whilst touring The Lost Things over a mere fourteen days for example we covered 1,393 miles, or roughly twenty seven hours of driving if you like. Now you’re thinking hmmm that’s a little less exotic than I thought. What did you do whilst travelling in a van for 1,393 miles? Well it’s an art that’s not for everyone, you have to hone the skill of travelling, as both a driver and a passenger.

Our ideal scenario would be the six person van drive, plenty of people to change seats with, multiple drivers, lots of music, a good balance of book reading to talking to sleeping ratio. The scenario below is based on our most recent tour of  The Lost Things tour, involving only two people on a seven hour drive to Cambridge.

Leg 1: You’re driving.

Mmmm nice scenery.

Playlist on.


Have a snack.

You need to pee.

Distraction game 1 commences.

Deep discussion with passenger about either work or politics.


Comment on things you can see from the window.

Have a drink, remember you need to pee.

Distraction game 2 commences.


Involving a lot of tea, you will later regret this.

Leg 2: Passenger.

Check social media.

Read the news.

Read funny articles to driver.

Play a music guessing game.

Pretend you’re looking out of the window but secretly close your eyes behind you sunglasses (5 mins max).

Have a snack.

The phone with the map and music runs out of battery.

Sing to driver (not appreciated).

Need to pee.

Discuss traffic.

Distraction game 3.

Stare out of window.



The result of all this time travelling is you get very good at planning, thinking, distracting yourself and daydreaming. If you are good at daydreaming you can then become good at procrastinating, then when you are good at procrastinating you do things like write a blog with lots of calculations of distance, time and mileage when you should be doing other work.

Now on that subject, if we covered 1,393 miles in fourteen days how many miles did we do in twelve weeks?…